resistance is futile?

If you don't already know this, I'm a bit of a fangirl in the boycrazy kind of way.  It's not really a huge secret.  After all, I have a whole domain dedicated to fellas who've lassoed my attention at various points over the last decade or so.  (Yikes, did I say decade?!)  I have done my very best to appear as merely a fan interested in their work and projects as opposed to their physical attributes.  Yes, of course the men in question have physical attributes.  I'm not above saying the first thing I likely noticed were their eyes or their smiles or their handsome faces.  I just don't drool on my websites.  How unseemly, don't you think?

The last person to warrant a slice of my website was Jensen Ackles.  The site didn't last long, though it's still up if anyone wants to see it.  I still adore him, of course.  How else to explain going to the movies to watch My Bloody Valentine 3-D?  I promised myself that I would not erect another online shrine to a favorite fellow and set about concentrating on keeping two of my sites as updated as possible.

My line of fellas has been steady for the past few years.  Mr. Thomson and Mr. Lee keep me busy enough on the website front and my fangirl tendencies have been satisfied by the usual suspects (Jensen, George Eads, baseball players, etc).

Until now.

Enter Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

This attraction to JDM has been on the outer fringes of my fangirl consciousness since Supernatural debuted.  But as I'm a Jensen devotee by nature these days, any thoughts of JDM were quickly dismissed.  But were they?  Perhaps I merely pushed them down and locked them away.  I told myself I certainly did not need another distraction.  Sure, I'd keep an eye on him and his work, but he wasn't a necessity in my fangirl world.  Not at all.  Nope.

I haven't seen him on Grey's Anatomy at all, but I think he (and Harry Connick Jr.) was the best thing in P.S. I Love You.  In fact, I'd watch that movie again just to see him (and Harry Connick Jr.) even though I don't really buy Hilary Swank as a romantic lead.  Oh, and the soundtrack is nice too.  And I'll keep hoping that he makes a return to Supernatural because what's better than all the Winchesters on screen together?  Exactly, nothing.  Oh, and I've seen a few episodes of The Burning Zone. As fun as it is to see a younger JDM, I think he's one of those men who's aged rather nicely and looks better now than he did then.

So as I said, JDM has been on the outer fringes of my fangirl consciousness and I tried not to pay him too much mind.  I resisted the appeal of his smile and warm timbre of his voice and the rugged good looks and tousled dark hair.  Yet I couldn't help but notice his charm on screen and I acknowledged the usual signs of fangirl giddiness, but I never gave in.

Until now.

Oh, the perils of seeing semi-favorite, always noticed actors in a live setting.  It's dangerous, I tell you.  Either the object of attraction fails in every sense and you walk away lighter in the imagination or the object of attraction glows with more than you anticipated and you fall headlong into the light and you just give in.  And oh how sweet it is to give in.

The first prickles of awareness.  The delicious shiver of anticipation.  There's nothing like the beginning blush of acknowledging a new fascination.

I believe in the back of my mind I was setting myself up to enjoy whatever JDM delights might emerge during the Watchmen panel at WonderCon.  I hoped he would be there.  I read a couple of articles on him before setting out to the convention.  When I watched the G4 Watchmen special, I made sure to listen when he spoke.  I knew I was going to like whatever I saw during the Watchmen panel.  If I'm truthful, he's a big reason I want to see the movie.  I probably wouldn't have cared so much on a whole if he wasn't in the movie.  Now I just want to watch the movie on its own merits, of course.  JDM in the movie is just bonus.

So sitting in the Esplanade Ballroom, I was ready and open to enjoy the Watchmen panel.  When the actors were introduced, I was quite delighted to hear JDM's name.  And he has a wicked sense of humor, which went over well with me.  There's just something a little naughty about his smile and the twinkle in his eyes.  I like that.  Oh, and the movie looks like it's going to totally ROCK.  And after watching the panel and listening to the director and others, I know I'm going to appreciate the film even more.

I might have let the fascination rest if I hadn’t gotten so much attention from the pictures or videos I took.  Truth be told, I took them all to share with my friend P, a lady who has had JDM on her mind for a long time.  I didn’t really think anyone else would care so much about my goofy pictures and silly videos.  It makes me feel nice.  JDM has lovely fans.  Always a good sign.

So will this interest turn into a full blown fangirl/boycrazy thing for me?  I’m not sure.  Will I mind if it does?  Not so much.

P reminded me the other day, "Remember, I saw him first."  But I think she secretly wants to get me back for the other stuff I might have inadvertantly gotten her hooked on.  What did she say?  Oh yes, "payback."

So there it is, something new, something different lighting my fangirl fire.  Will it burn hot and fast, then turn to ash?  Or will it glow steady and bright well into the night?

Stay tuned.