if I close my eyes
will you leave and disappear
somewhere in the dark
The moon is quite full up in the dark sky. I think it might be waning now. Still, it’s bright against the stars, its silver shadows like the chill of the breeze. I’m feeling wordy right now…
I sometimes get into these moods where I miss my fangirl days. Not that they’re so far behind me, of course. Maybe I just miss mutually adoring a particular show or actor with my friends or fellow fans. When you obsess over something with other people, it just doesn’t seem so crazy to devote hours and imagination upon that particular something because you have friends doing the exact same thing in varying degrees.
I do so very much long for those days of Xena and Herules as well as Dark Angel. I spent HOURS every day writing and screencapping and forum haunting and emailing with people who would become my friends and are still my friends to this very day. If we had the technology then that we have now, our many websites would have rocked even more.
So yes, I miss those days a bit sometimes.
Jump to present time and I still have my favorite fellas and my favorite shows but I don’t involve myself in the various fandoms as I did with Xena and Hercules. I know I could never recapture those golden moments yet I still take joy in the few fangirl occasions in which I indulge. It’s good to live in the Bay Area because we do have WonderCon and sometimes SuperCon. It’s just not the same as flying down to Southern California to laugh with my friends and adore with my friends.
As I said, I still have my favorite fellas. For a few years, they’ve been the same and constant with very few moves in the ranks. Then last year, during WonderCon, Jeffrey Dean Morgan caught my eye. When Star Trek came out, I realized that Chris Pine was rather rockin’ as Captain Kirk. And when V came back from its winter hiatus, I remembered that I had found Charles Mesure quite fascinating at that Xena convention back in 2004.
JDM, TDCP (That Darn Chris Pine), and CM stole their way to my “list.” A fella on my list means I will pay more attention to him, perhaps research his work, watch his movies in the theatre, watch his tv show first run. I’ll casually eye any entertainment gossip, perhaps skim through a fansite or two, collect images here and there. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll touch base with fellow fans. If I’m lucky, my friends also find the fella appealing and I can just indulge my giddy fangirl ways with them. And if the fella is particularly insistent on taking up time in my imagination, he’ll find himself playing the man of the story I’m currently writing.
All of that happened with the latest fellas. For JDM, we saw Watchmen in the theatres as well as this year’s The Losers. We started watching Grey’s Anatomy on DVD, though we stalled after JDM’s character was off the canvas. For TDCP, I watched Star Trek four times in the theatre and regularly collect images of him online. Thank goodness I LOVE Star Trek. lol! We also rented a movie I’d probably not watch again just because TDCP is in it, though I do stop on Bottle Shock whenever it’s on just to see him with that crazy hair.
My fascination with CM is taking a slightly different turn from the other two. When he appeared on V, my fangirl heart skipped a beat and I held my breath a moment. Awareness made my skin tingle. When someone I’ve met is on tv again, I usually react with a little giggle or a feeling a pride for the fact that they’re working and I’m watching. So my awareness to seeing CM on V seemed to be the usual reaction. But it felt just a little different. It felt… exciting.
I think I knew after his first appearance on V that I would be watching CM closer than normal. Soon wasn’t enough to wait a week for V to air just to see him. I started checking him out online, looking for his work to download. He’s done a lot of work down under and I’ve been lucky enough to find some of it. I would love to find more of his stuff and I am willing to buy it if I can find it. lol!
I knew I was deeper than I imagined when I started doing quick screencaps. Screencaptures! It’s so easy now and so it was so easy to do them and upload them. And now I think, how easy would it be to do a quick fansite. OH NO! I’m trying to talk myself out of that one but it’s only a matter of time, I think. We shall see.
Oh the things I’ll admit when the moon is bright in the sky and the clock is way past midnight…