TWITL – week eleven

let me just sit still
remembering quiet times
just being with you

flowers from Tanya

My first day home alone without Holli. I’m in the computer room where she didn’t spend a lot of time and I’d be distracted enough except I just posted about her. And I look at the old pictures of all my dogs. And it’s just sad to be alone like this after 18 years of having dogs. I suppose these early days will be the hardest. I feel so disconnected and slightly without purpose. What is my routine now? She was the one who’d remind me to get off the couch because she wanted to go out. Now I have no reason to open the back door unless I just want some air. And I don’t need to worry about putting the foot rest down without checking where she might be. Now I won’t feel her doggie tongue licking my fingers after I’ve had some Doritos or cheesy poofs.

It’s really hard right now and it’s just morning as I begin this post. ::sigh::


POINT BREAK – We mostly just watched this movie for distraction last night. The action shots were BREATHTAKING but the plot was weak at best. It probably would have just been more fun to watch it as a pseudo documentary or something, no plot needed.

DADDY’S HOME – I don’t even know why I watched this. I kinda didn’t. I just looked up every once in awhile and hardly paid attention. Sometimes you just wonder WHY. WHY do they make crap movies with good actors? Why do the good actors make crap movies? Although it was cute seeing the little girl (Scarlett Estevez) who plays the daughter in Lucifer here as one of the kids in the movie. She’s adorable!


Blindspot – Sullivan Stapleton almost made me cry again. I tweeted that and the show’s twitter profile re-tweeted me and how cool is that?! Maybe Sully even read it. Anyhoo, another freakin’ stellar episode. I do love the mystery of it all even though it’s utterly maddening. But more so I love the emotional stuff when it happens, especially in Weller’s case. Sully plays him so well and he just kills it in those scenes where he breaks down and shows that raw emotion.


I actually wrote a few words this week but not nearly enough on any of my stories. Totally stalled. I should probably read something to trigger my own creativity…


I keep turning my head and remembering Holli standing at the doorway, looking at me while I’m sitting at my computer. She never did find her place in this room. But I can still see her in it. And I can’t stop turning my head to just stare at the empty space where she once stood…

december 2005
Holli in her super puppy days with Meggie back in Salida…

I don’t have to go to work until Thursday. It’ll be good to spend time with the hubby. We need to figure out how days without Holli now, create new routines…

We’re going to see Tyler Rich on Tuesday. (Why is it weird using Tyler’s full name? Oh yeah, because I just call him Tyler in my head now. And aloud.) We’re going to stay for his whole set this time. Maybe we’ll even buy him a drink afterwards. Haven’t done that yet. 😉 It’ll be great to see him again. It’s been way too long!