I’m starting this on December 31, 2020 but not sure when I’ll post it. We’ll see how it goes.
I’m never one to call a whole year a total negative, so I’ve never understood the people who take a whole twelve months and say that it was all crap. I want to ask them– so, not one day shone bright for you? There weren’t bright spots that were actually wonderful moments to counter whatever utter despair you experienced? You would erase that whole year from your memory because it was that bad?
Of course, I never ask those questions. People will feel what they must and if writing off a year helps them for the upcoming year, go for it. I’m just not that kind of person. I say I go for balance but really, I tend toward the more positive moments and feelings. I try not to give in to the darkness and despair for too long.
2020 has certainly challenged that resolve.
Let me acknowledge that 2020 has tested us in so many ways. It’s been a hard year for so many people. We have all had to realign what’s “normal” and what we can tolerate. We have lost more than we should have. We have had to rise out of our selfishness and face the fact that we are all connected. We felt fear and anger and helplessness. Some of us rose above it to heed the calling of community. Some of us sank into the darkness. Many of us just tried to keep afloat, to find that new normal, to strive for some balance.
It was scary, wasn’t it, when we had to lockdown? Part of me liked staying home but I didn’t feel somewhat relieved until I found out that I would still have a job through all of this. I was further heartened by the fact that the husband would still have a job as well. We didn’t have to worry so much financially (beyond the usual worries). It sucked hard too, didn’t it, to have your favorite places shut down? I missed going to the library and to the bars after work, as well as restaurants and such. The hardest thing for many people, of course, was not being able to see family and friends. No matter how amazing technology is, nothing can replace that real smile, the kiss on the cheek, the warm, tight hugs, or even the handshakes. Most of us crave even the simplest of touches and so many of us were denied it because of the pandemic. Many of us are still denied that simple thing.
I do not go through my days in fear because I have to wear a mask. Do I find it inconvenient? Yes. But it’s not the rights stripping directive some people would have you believe it is. If you don’t want to wear your mask, then stay home and yell at the tv or internet. But if you have to go out, wear the fucking mask. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be an asshole. Please. Why is it such a challenge for people to think of their neighbors and the good of the community? Isn’t that what most religions teach us? This pushback on masks and social distancing will continue to boggle me.
So what has 2020 shown me? Well, in stark ways, the year has shown me that people SUCK HARD. It has also shown me that people are amazing and generous and courageous and loving. I try not to dwell on the people who would rather spew negativity. No, I try to focus on the people who are positive and enlightening and real. So too, I try to be. 2020 has also shown me how I personally handle crazy times. The year wracked my nerves for sure and it made me search within myself for the tether to keep my balance. I tried to feel all the confusion and uncertainty then let it go and work through it. 2020 was certainly a year of self reflection.
2020 also brought me joy and contentment. The husband and I have each other, a home, money in the bank, and good people around us. Sure, we missed going to concerts (probably mostly me), the bars and restaurants, heading to breweries, seeing our family and friends. But we got to spend a lot of time together and that’s always a good thing, even if you’ve been married for 26 years. So no, I would not take back those days and months or mere moments together.
Things 2020, good and bad:
January – I “broke up” with one of my fellas in melodramatic fashion but I’m still doing the fan thing for him because of my fellow fans. But I tell you, my heart still really isn’t in it… The 49ers made me care about football for a little while by being NFC Champions.
February – Ugh, the 49ers lost the Super Bowl. But hey, at least they got there?… The busiest time of year at work started for me. Transfers galore!… Tyler Rich was announced his first headlining tour and I bought tickets for it!… Saw Sonic the Hedgehog in the movie theatre. Wait, was this the last movie I’d see in the theatre for 2020? (Yes, yes it was.)
March – Jack Whitehall was announced as part of the lineup for Netflix is a Joke, with a show on May 2nd in Los Angeles. I bought tickets for it, thinking I’d have to find a way to say hello to him and have him say Happy Birthday to me since my birthday would be the day after his show… I had a passport appointment because I thought we might be going out of the country in June… I got a free haircut and then a week or so later– lockdown… Spring Break was one of uncertainty. We were told to stay home but I went in for a couple of days just to catch up on things… Tyler started his IG live sessions and Simon Kassianides read a poem everyday for awhile– the things that kept me somewhat sane as lockdown began.
April – Work steadied. At first, I worked from home, which I did not mind at all . I was just happy to have a regular schedule of sorts and a paycheck!… Oh, that Zoom chat with the G Bar crew and having a special guest sing for us… 26th wedding anniversary!… I wrote a poem a day for a few weeks, inspired by Simon reading poetry for a time… The 30th marked five years since we met Tyler…
May – I turned 49. LORD!… Learning to wear a mask, social distance, etc… Started a new story that for some reason had Chris Hemsworth as inspiration. This led to me brushing up on Hemsworth’s work… Someone got a new phone (not me)…
June – Bangs trimmed at the salon. First time out seeing people other than the husband and co-workers. Crazy!… Watched from afar the protests and read about a lot of it online… Working from home but going into work twice week, which isn’t so bad… Debuted Besotted by Chris on Chris Conrad’s birthday!…
July – Watched Hamilton and it was SO GOOD! I totally get it now… Took some time off from work that I would have normally taken at the end of June/beginning of July… The news cycle was so exhausting…
August – One of my work friends died and it just hit me so hard… Fires made the sky so smoky…
September – Tyler’s debut album was released! Two Thousand Miles – go and get it!… Another Zoom chat with the G Bar lovelies. Tyler and Sabina joined us and there might have been some tears… Also a CPN chat. Love those ladies!… The hubby was away and out of radio contact for about five days. It was weird. I was so happy when he was back home…
October – Simon Kassianides called me his Number Two fan (his mum being the Number One fan). Umm, what the hell?! Giddy fangirl moment… The Apple Event happened and I decided I would get the iPhone 12 Pro. Then I thought about it more and thought, why not get the iPhone 12 Pro Max and really test my patience… Started prepping for National Novel Writing Month…
November – Headed to Anchor Bay for the first weekend of the month and it was cold but beautiful. The first time in a long time I felt “normal” because I was unmasked around people I hadn’t seen in awhile. And all of it was outside, so I felt “safer” about it? Came home with a cold though… Oh, the election. I was so glad I voted by mail… National Novel Writing Month! I got to 50k words but I was behind pace for most of the month. The fella who inspired this story? Freakin’ Chris Evans. What the hell? I blame my OT… My new phone was in my hands on Friday the 13th! I bought the iPhone 12 Pro Max and I LOVE IT. So big, so pretty, so expensive. Ye gods!… Back to shelter at home mode because people can’t do simple things… Went a little nutty buying stuff online during those many off days…
December – Renewed our rental for another year. YES!… Donated to a short film mostly because Simon Kassianides is in it. It’s so cute. I hope it gets picked up!… Speaking of Simon, he’s the reason for my best Monday ever! Seriously, that Cameo Shanaye got for me is the BEST. I wonder, did he know that he was making the video for his Number Two fan?… Closing out the year off from work. It’s the best way to end this crazy year…
And that’s it! If you actually made it to the end of this, nice on you! I might do a part two to this with my hopes for 2021 but we’ll see. Until then…
WEAR A MASK, KEEP YOUR DISTANCE, WASH YOUR HANDS.
Love to you all!
