It’s been awhile since I’ve felt this way. The delicious rush of fangirl longing, the constant simmer of anticipation. Actually, it hasn’t been that long. Perhaps a year? When did my Jeffrey Dean Morgan fascination begin to manifest?

This time, it’s actually someone I’ve met. Someone who impressed me from the moment he took the stage and started to speak. How could I forget the way my funny fangirl heart just paused and relished every word and smile? How could I forget the utter joy of sitting beside him and having that picture taken?

I didn’t forget. I just let the memory fade into that nice place of convention moments.

He appeared on several episodes of a television show that I didn’t watch. I wasn’t moved enough to watch it just for him. And then he went back to New Zealand or Australia and did work there that of course I can’t see here.

Then along came V.

I started watching the show because I like Elizabeth Mitchell, Morena Baccarin, and Joel Gretsch. Plus hello, aliens coming to earth? How could I not watch it? We watch it and we keep watching it but it’s stumbling a bit for me.

Then along comes the character Kyle Hobbes.

I actually didn’t watch his first episode the night it aired. A couple of my friends text and messaged me about it and told me to watch it because one Charles Mesure was guest starring. So even though I knew he was in the episode, it was still delightful to see his name in the credits. And then he appeared.

Why did the first shot of him start with his rather muscular arms? I mean really, were we going for beefcake from the start or what? When the camera finally got to his face, the giddy fangirl in me thought, “Oh, I met him!” I always get that giddy fangirl feeling when I see someone I’ve met in person on my tv or the movie screen. I’m always oddly proud and supportive of their accomplishments. And I’m always very happy when they appear on shows that I actually watch.

Charles’ character Kyle Hobbes is a bit of a mystery. He’s a terrorist, a mercenary for hire. But why are the V setting him up to take a fall? Did they perhaps hire him and then he double crossed them? As his character first said, “Show me the money.” But he’s not getting money now. So what is his motivation? I want to know. We had better know!

Seeing Charles again rekindled that fangirl fire I had for him back in 2004. Back then, he was the end of a long line of Xena/Herc fellas I adored. I can only say that I had too much on my hands with all the rest of the hunky men to pay as much attention to Charles as he deserved. If I had met him back in heat of my Xena/Herc fandom days, I would have certainly adoringly created a website for him. But by 2004, I was past the obsessive behavior of screencapturing my fellows on their various gigs and spending hours uploading website stuff to share with fellow fans. My admiration took a more private turn. My various websites have died slow deaths or have become mere tributes to the men I once and still adored. At the moment, I’m still clinging to the thought that I will indeed update my Erik and Greg sites but no one seems in a rush for me to do so.

I don’t know why I’ve suddenly decided Charles Mesure is worthy of my fangirl adoration. Maybe I decided long ago and it’s been dormant until now. No one really knows. I just know that there he is and here I am, fangirl fire blazing.

I went back and read my convention report from 2004, along with my little supplemental report on Charles. It is an intriguing and revealing read. I did like him back then. I did feel that fangirl flame for him. How long did it last? When did it turn into just an ember? And why begin anew again?

I don’t really need to know why though the questions intrigue me. I only know that I don’t mind it at all. It’s just a wonderful distraction being a fangirl.

(originally posted here)